i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand Curling. That high.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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