i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
