We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
