last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize