I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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