My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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