May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
