I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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