is your mom at the bar?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
