I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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