I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't notice because vodka
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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