So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
