No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
