No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
