rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
