She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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