I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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