i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
