I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Randomize
