have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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