I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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