Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
