Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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