what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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