help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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