Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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