And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize