Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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