i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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