Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will be naked everywhere
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize