Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
