see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
