Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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