the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
