I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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