ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
