Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
