Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
