our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
