I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
