Where did you get a picture of my penis
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
