I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
