Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
