Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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