I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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