I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ketchup is God's man juice
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
