I'm so fucking centered right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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