I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
