i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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