Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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