When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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