I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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