Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
