Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
