i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
