I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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