i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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