she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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