help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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