I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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