In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
