how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
