i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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