another moral hangover. fuck.
Small penises have feelings too.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
