I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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