watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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