I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
