I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
