it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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