He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
