I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
