Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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