google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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