I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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