so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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