We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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