I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
