I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
